Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
