eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
