i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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