If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
