So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
