If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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