Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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