My room smells like vodka and shame
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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