Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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