you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
