My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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