First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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