I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
