If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
