I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
