he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
