Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize