so explain again why im purple
no
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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