toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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