the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I booty called her while she was in labor.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
