i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
