i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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