I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize