Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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