i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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