You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
