Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
