Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
