I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
