i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize