just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
