you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
