Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
