I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
