the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
