I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
