I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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