I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm at about main and main street
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
