y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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