the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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