I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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