No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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