its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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