Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
