Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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