Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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