The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
