How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
