Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
