omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
it was like eating out sand paper
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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