Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
