sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
