I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
