I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
