So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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