I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
