i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Of course I have a pirate flag
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
