Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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