just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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