I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
