Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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