She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Randomize
