He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's blow job season.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
