Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
