Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
