I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
