People in love make me want to vomit
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
