In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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