I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
