She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
