they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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