Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
