On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
