In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
