How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
