This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
