hotel room ftw
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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