One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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