dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
